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Jacketology
Jacketology is a religion founded by Jacket and his minions and is the official religion of House Richard's lesser settlements. History Jacketology was founded by ThatGuyWithTheJacket shortly after the formation of House Richard. It was based on the (quite obviously wrong) notion started by the natives of Paradise that Jacket is a god. It was first observed in a small, uncharted village past Chilltree Forest, wherein the villagers had constructed large idols in Jacket's likeness using their own feces and worshiped them. Practices Jacketology is expressed through worship of Jacket or his likeness. It is thought by Jacketologists that Jacket is a all-powerful being sent from the heavens to rule over men. It is also presumed that Jacketologists believe that Jacket has been graced upon them by the great Skybeast Ch'kang'm'whnga'yhyeh, an enormous eagle-like creature that makes up the sky. Jacketology also requires one to forbid the wearing of clothing, as that implies one in a similar vein of Jacket, which is blasphemy according to their beliefs. According to Jacketologist records, the ingestion of an odd sweet liquid described as "rootwater" (which is implied to be at least partially made of fish semen) is integral to one's induction into Jacketology. Covering one's body entirely in feces and washing it off with water graced by Jacket (i.e. water that has come out of him or that he has submerged himself in while naked) is also a very important practice in Jacketology. Religious buildings where these rituals are held are called muddukha, which are large circular huts made entirely of mud and the feces of cows, an animal blessed by Jacket. Pigs are considered the evil deity of the religion, and oftentimes the corpses of pigs are hung up in city squares and used to decorated small daises called jughkhkak, which are used to ward off evil spirits. Stuffing the anus with objects blessed/accepted by Jacket is also a common practice. Noted objects that are blessed or accepted are potatoes, cows, salamanders, rats (mice are not allowed, due to them being considered horrible abominations by Jacket), murals of Jacket, Jacket voodoo dolls (though this is highly advised against), ThatGuyWithTheJacket Action Figures, Coldplay CDs, and many more that were not specified by Jacket. Afterlife Jacketologists believe that after the release of death from their horrible existences consisting mostly of immensely painful diseases afflicting their bodies, the righteous who live in Jacket's name will spend eternity within the bosom sic of the Skybeast, who is secretly a hermaphrodite with around 2700 visible nipples, which somehow explains why there are stars (as the stars are his nipples). For each righteous Jacketologist, there is a single nipple-star along the Skybeast's mildly arousing chest. However, if one lives a life where they disobey Jacket's wishes, they are forever doomed to a large pigpen that exists beyond the reach of Jacket and the Skybeast, which stretches for farther than the eye can see. If a nonbeliever is sent to the pen, they have their ass-cherries popped sic for all of eternity. However, if one is to be anally penetrated by every pig in the pen, then they will be allowed to ascend into the unsettlingly warm bosom of the Skybeast. Unfortunately for nonbelievers, the pigpen is actually limitless and there will never be an end to the piggy bum onslaught. Every day at exactly 3:14PM a ferryman named Hyeurgen Fyeurgen the Swede Who Once Killed A Man With A Fish And Chip In A Bar Called Skinny Dick's It's Seriously A Real Place Look It Up And They Had A Subtitle That Was Best Fish And Chips In The Middle Of Buttfuck Nowhere rides out of the endless piggy frontier and runs over all the heads of the tormented morons who said that Jacket wasn't actually the most amazingly handsome and godlike entity in the universe while playing irritating pop and rap tunes including but not limited to Justin Bieber, Nickelback, Disco Jim's Basketball In Compton: The Official Soundtrack Deluxe Edition, Clowny Joe's Blood In My Clown Pants, Forced Anal Pounding's I Don't Wanna Flood The World (Your Panties Are Enough), numerous Meghan Trainor songs, and Ernie and Bert's 3011 sleeper platinum hit Ducks Go Quack, Your Mom Goes Harder. However, as Jacket's first watch was constantly stuck at 3:14, and thus every heathen is forced to listen to these horrible masterpieces of ear-sodomy for all eternity while being brutally mounted by pigs that are squealing constantly due to the horrid symphonies causing their internal organs to rupture. Hierarchy In Jacketology, everything in the life of a normal citizen of a settlement has a place in the cosmic order. The known cosmic order is as follows: SKYBEAST | JACKET | PRIESTS | WARRIORS | CITIZENS | SLOTHS | COWS | CHICKENS | ZOMBIES | SLIME | AVOCADOS NAMED JEREMY | ONIONS | PIGS Jacketology and House Richard While House Richard is considered an empire of Baptist faith, Jacketology is often the religion of smaller settlements under the control of House Richard. Despite one's expectations, House Richard makes no effort to suppress the free expression of its underlings' religious practices. Jacket is often travels to Jacketolgoist settlements instead of sending his generals so as to more easily sway the settlements to the House's will. Trivia * The name "Jacketology" is an obvious reference to Scientology, a religion started by science-fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. ** This is rather odd, as Jacket expresses his dislike for the religion very openly during streams so it would be strange to name his religion after it. * Due to this religion's existence, Jacket could be considered an idolater, as he serves as a false idol for many across the empire. * Despite pigs effectively being the "anti-Christ" of sorts for the religion, boars are revered as holy guardians of Jacket and are often depicted following him and leaving enormous gorges wherever he lay foot. * The leader of a Jacketological church is called the Grand Poobah of Poobahiness. * Despite the laws of Jacketology forbidding clothing, priests and the Grand Poobah of Poobahiness are allowed to wear small articles of clothing, consisting of collars and golden robes respectively. * For reasons unknown, some Jacketology-aligned villages have set up large statues of butt plugs in their squares. It is assumed that the villagers mistook butt plugs for some sort of divine symbol, though exactly how they came into contact with butt plugs in the first place is unknown. ** Jacket has assumed that his soldier Georgeson keeps dropping plugs that have been shoved into his anus, but considering that Georgeson is set of leather armor on an armor rack and does not possess an anus this is unlikely. * Jacketologists believe Jacket's bodily fluids to be incredibly valuable and sacred. Dousing oneself in Jacket's urine, vomit, or other bodily fluids is integral in the process of becoming a Grand Poobah of Poobahiness. * It is unknown why sloths are on the cosmic hierarchy, as sloths are not found within the lands of House Richard's domain. * There is an offset of black magic tied to Jacketology that is somewhat related to hoodoo, a folk magic often associated with/mistaken for the religion of voodoo. The most popular and well-known instance of this folk magic is the Jacket voodoo doll. * Top hats are considered sacred and god-like in Jacketology. This is due to Jacket's overall obsession with top hats. * The religious book of Jacketology currently does not have a name, but Jacket himself is open to suggestions; the more vulgar, the better. * Music associated with Jacketology includes bang-bang monkey screech, which is a form of music invented by the subhumans of Paradise. It often involves one or two villagers dancing around while screaming in a similar fashion as a chimpanzee, whilst at least 3 villagers begin banging on large drums made of human skin and the phallic bones of whales. At least one audience member is customarily required to lay on one side and run around in a circle with audience members taking turns shoving things into the participant's anus. * The stuffing of bacon or pig products into one's anus is considered a sin in Jacketology, as it means one wishes to be a pig on the inside, just as on the outside.